Mutual Support Groups

Small mutual support teams that embrace shared values and principles can nurture self-development. In Join the Club: How Peer Pressure Can Transform the World, Tina Rosenberg reports that “from the affluent suburbs of Chicago to the impoverished shanties of rural India” mutual support teams have helped smokers stop smoking, teens fight AIDS, worshippers deepen their faith, activists overthrow dictators, addicts overcome addictions, and students learn calculus.[1]

Such teams could also help compassion-minded individuals set aside counter-productive tendencies and become more effective — and inspire politically inactive people to become more active. Those teams could serve as social greenhouses where participants could develop their ability to relate as equals, create models, and strengthen their ability to help transform the world.

Small circles of trusted allies could help one another undo society’s negative conditioning. They could learn to become more compassionate, realize their potential more fully, avoid hate-filled scapegoating, stop being so mean to one another, and diminish discrimination. As they solidify those habits, they could expand them into the larger society, relying heavily on the power of example.

To confess is at the heart of every religion. It’s the path to redemption, being reborn, becoming a new person — and essential to help organizations recognize mistakes and grow. Individuals can of course do a lot on their own — privately within their own minds — to promote self-development. But they can also support one another in that effort. Verbalizing to others helps people to better understand their thoughts and feelings. And listening to others is often a learning experience. Individuals can accomplish more, and achieve deeper growth, by engaging in mutual support than they can by acting alone.

Many historical examples illustrate the power of small, supportive groups. The disciples who followed Jesus were a group of twelve, and Christian house churches based on the “priesthood of all believers” have been potent for centuries. Many political organizations have used affinity groups, precinct-based teams, cells, neighborhood organizations, and other constellations. Book clubs, poker games, bowling leagues, gangs, various “posses,” and other such groups all provide informal mutual support.

The Bushmen in southern Africa, who lived in small bands, had a ritual, “insulting the meat,” that helped them maintain their egalitarian society. When a hunter returned with a large kill, he’d be greeted with light-hearted, inaccurate insults about the quality of the kill or the level of his skill. This was a way to discourage the hunter from thinking too highly of himself. Such methods to nurture humility benefited everyone.[2]

Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs have demonstrated the effectiveness of self-governing, self-perpetuating communities based on: 1) concise core principles, and; 2) a consistent, easy-to-learn format that facilitates self-improvement without extensive training. In such programs, the willingness to openly, honestly admit mistakes is key to the healing process.

The True North Groups initiated in the corporate world by Bill George developed a more open-ended approach. Rather than focus on a particular issue such as substance abuse or Bible study or training people on particular skills, these groups nurture deeper intimacy by means of radical openness. Each participant can discuss anything.[3]

With that kind of open-ended approach, political activists committed to compassionate, systemic transformation could gather with other activists to support one another in their self-improvement. Activists, after all, are often as addicted to activism as twelve-step members are addicted to mind-altering substances. We could encourage the development of communities whose members set aside time to support one another in an open-ended manner with:

1) their personal efforts to become better human beings, and;

2) their political efforts to help improve national public policy.

However, it seems there’s no organization that uses an easy-to-learn method to help its members set aside time to provide open-ended mutual support for self-improvement and political action.  Once such a method is established, a wide range of other groups could use it — and join a growing, larger community.

To maximize its effectiveness, any such project would need to avoid authoritarianism of the kind reflected in Chairman Mao’s reeducation program in China in the 1960s and in social rehab programs like Synanon in the Bay Area in the 1970s, which were based on vicious, judgmental “criticism/self-criticism.” One way to prevent authoritarianism is to borrow from the Harm Reduction model, which, instead of demanding total abstinence, asks individuals to define their own substance abuse goals.[4] Another way to minimize authoritarianism is to have individuals simply report on their self-development efforts, with no “cross-talk” from others. Twelve-step programs take that approach.

In these ways, mutual support team members could help one another gradually loosen the System’s top-down conditioning and cultivate positive new habits to carry into the larger society. Bit by bit, they could liberate their inner hunter-gatherer, increase their self-knowledge, learn to relate as equals, and become more cooperative, peaceful, and playful. Undoing old habits often requires intentional effort, but with dedication and the willingness to be vulnerable, everyone who seeks a more compassionate society can move down that path.

Personal transformation is rarely a matter of sudden, total, irreversible conversion. Rather, it’s a gradual, ongoing process. Human beings often fall back into old ways of operating. Two steps forward, one step back. Perfection, permanent salvation, and total enlightenment aren’t possible. You can only do your best, knowing you’re good enough and can be better. Pragmatic idealism is the wisest path.

Being open, honest, and vulnerable with close friends can be difficult. It’s easy to withdraw or focus on work, play, or superficial interactions. That reluctance may be especially true with political activists who are driven to reduce suffering and injustice. They often feel there’s not a minute to waste and self-examination is self-indulgent navel-gazing. But in the long run self-criticism and mutual support can nurture self-improvement and enhance effectiveness.